Humor
Gary Freeman'50
gfreeman3@bak.rr.com Note: New email address.11-7-08
Ya just gotta love her!
MORE MAXINE
THANKSGIVING WITH MAXINE
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HAPPY THANKSGIVING IN ADVANCE!!
IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN IT BEFORE,
IT WILL DEFINITELY MAKE YOUR DAY.IF YOU HAVE SEEN IT BEFORE,IT WILL DEFINITELY RE-MAKE YOUR DAY.* +* (( (( ( * +*An older couple is lying in bed one morning.They had just awakened from a good night's sleep.He takes her hand and she responds, 'Don't touch me.''Why not?' he asked.She answered, 'Because I'm dead.'
The husband asked...'What are you talking about? We're both lying here in bed together and talking to one another!'She said, 'No, I'm definitely dead.'He insisted, 'You are not dead. What in the world makes you think you're dead?'
'Because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts.'
.............
Remember...Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed.
....If it weren't for STRESS
I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan...
Will Not Be Evenly Distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory.
Some, like me, just don't have any film.I always know...God won't give me more than I can handleThere are times I just wish He didn't trust me quite so much.
Dogs Have Owners ~ Cats Have Staff
If the shoe fits... buy a pair in every color.
Never be too open-minded, your brains may fall out.
Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian.Not any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.Bills travel through the mail...at twice the speed of checks.If you look like your passport picture...
you probably need the trip.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Men are from earth.Women are from earth.Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind
and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years
and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing.It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Learn from the mistakes of others.
Trust me... you can't live long enough to makethem all yourself.I've tried!!Have A Wonderful Day!Hold your loved ones close, tell them your love them, for if tomorrow never comes, you'll have no regrets about today
Here's Your Smile For Today ! ! !I hate housework! You make
the beds, do the dishes and
six months later you have to
do it all over again!!
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction - I get to the end and think
Well, that's not gonna happen!
The Only Thing Domestic About
Me Is That I Live Indoors.
EXERCISE -----It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month.
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 years old and we don't know where the hell she is !!!
The only reason I would take up exercising is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
And last but not least: I don't exercise because it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.
You could run this over to your friends but why not just e-mail it to them!
